This is one of my favorite pictures ever!! It's of my son and his dad when we lived up north in Duluth. It was taken at a park down the street that we went to religiously (ironically named Holy Rosary). People never post pictures of exes. Photos that used to bring joy now conjure up so many emotions that they are better left in the back of hidden photo albums that nobody ever opens...or if you're an extremist, even burned, in an attempt to erase the memory all together. However, no matter how far you run from your past it still happened.
In my grief, I have often compared divorce with death. No disrespect to those who have lost loved ones that they will never be able to see or talk to again. But there are some similarities...it's the death of who we were...as a couple...as a family. So in honor of the memory of what is now deceased, I post this photo today. And of course, as she always does, music swoops in with the perfect melody to ease all of my troubles (again the irony that this photo was taken at Holy Rosary🤣) "When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me, whispering words of wisdom...Let it be." I remember this day wasn't very cold but the kids were little so they were bundled up. I failed in my attempt to convince him to start halfway up the hill cause it would be too fast. So I watched from the top as they sped down and flew through the air, landing in a burst of tears and laughter. This is a part of my story. Let it be.
I remember shortly after crying myself to sleep for a year and a half begging him to stay. I remember clinging to what we had and convincing myself it wasn't over, even though a judge said differently. But this is a part of my story. So I can let it be.
I remember finally letting go and the overwhelming peace that followed this burial. I can now look back (even post this picture) and be grateful for all of the happiness, for all of the pain, for all of the anger, all of the struggles, and all of the tears. They made me who I am today. This is my story. Each day I choose to let it be.
So happy birthday David, even though you'll probably never read this. Thank you for what we had and best wishes🎉
Dog sledding rides at my job yesterday got us both like 😴 We were soooo busy, but it looked like a lot of fun for everyone who came out. Next time I'll tell more people about it, cause I got in big trouble with my kids and my niece when I came home and showed them the pictures...sorry guys.
When you're caught red handed chugging a jug of chocolate milk with your little brother behind the fridge🥛🥛🥛 I probably should have taken it away, but I figured that this infamous moment should go down in family history😜 📸🤣
I intend to start a blog by this spring, opening up my life and my family the wider world 🌎 😜I've debated doing this for about a decade, because even though I love people, I also would move to the middle of nowhere and live off the grid without any connection to the outside world quite happily:) I don't know if I want people in my business but I also feel the need to share...to share life lessons and inspiration and love with others.
I have learned I can't do life alone...I've had so many people step up and help me through the difficulties I've experienced in recent years, going through a divorce and navigating single parenthood with five little ones❤️ I want to give back and share how I find joy day to day. So I intend to post pictures of the little snippets of beauty I find on a daily basis that keep me grateful and content no matter what I'm going through.
Lately, I've been trying to meditate regularly and generally become more mindful, meaning to me, just getting quiet enough to shut out all of the clutter of thoughts and simply be with myself in the moment. I thought this practice would have a very positive effect on my life, but so far it has made me more and more painfully aware of how sad I am all of the time🤦♀️Sometimes it's a dull annoying pain in the back of my chest while other times it's excruciatingly stabbing, but it never goes away. I'm hoping that recognition of its presence is the first step towards healing, and I have learned that finding things everyday to be grateful for is an amazing coping mechanism.
So I'm going to post pictures daily of moments that bring me joy, whether that may be a shelf I decorated or a chocolate covered baby or a grand sunset 🌅 I'm being so candid about my struggles with depression and life's stresses, because I want to be authentic and not pretend my life is so much better than it is. So please know that what I'm sharing are snapshots 📸The kids hugging in a picture might be beating each other up the next minute🤣🤣 But life is all about perspective. I'm choosing to see the good and hope to inspire you to do the same❤️😘❤️
Lily on lead while Ray plays backup 🎸 Because sometimes you get locked out of your cousin's room & you just need to express yourself🤣 Thanks for singing to us Buggy since before you could speak!!! I hope I grow up & write songs like you one day 🎶
❤️Home sweet home. Old would be an understatement!! When we moved in our neighbor said he was surprised cause he thought this house was condemned🤣 Fortunately I do love old houses and I especially love this old house that I grew up in as a child. So I just quit my second job so I can be around more than a couple mornings a week, and you know do normal people things like clean and grocery shop (apparently kids need things like clean clothes and food🤷🏻♀️)...but I'm mostly excited to decorate. So bear with me and all my future posts of every nook and cranny of this place we now call home. We've bounced around for so many years so I'm just too excited to finally settle down.
So our heat went out last weekend...not so fun during a MN winter. It's back up & running and these succulents are still kicking, though they may be a bit bitter. TAKE US BACK to the DESSERT! Has anyone else killed more succulents than they can count? 🌵🙋🌵
I made a half of a sweater🤣 Super imperfect and that's my favorite part about it. I've always been such a perfectionist and you'd never know it if you saw my house lol, but I'm the type of person who gets so hung up on having everything together that I give up if I can't have it 100%. The card in this picture is one of my favorite gifts ever. I received it in a time when I was crushed and it reminds me that life may not be what I want it to be but I can take the peices and make something more beautiful than I'd ever imagined. I may be flawed but that's what makes me unique! #brokeness#bathroomselfie#causeimagirl#perfectimperfections
My knight in shining armor 👑 🛡🗡 Seriously though the most helpful kid ever! You need help hanging a picture, Elijah's there. You need the dishes done, Elijah's there. You need a hug, Elijah's there for that too. He's learning to pack away money 💰 for all his helpfulness too like helping papa pick up sticks in the lawn or doing other people's chores. So one day this kids gonna be rich! Don't forget about your mama;)
Sing me a song piano man;) @ustartv cheers to many more hours of practicing and talking and creating 🥂❣️ I'm grateful for all of the people in my life that share their passions with me. It reminds me to care about things enough to block out time when all I want to do is sleep or to keep singing over the inner voices of judgement, because when things matter to us we somehow move mountains to make them happen🎶🏔