#madmarchtarot with @lunas_sacred_sanctuary. Day 24 Q: What needs to be sacrificed for my greater good?
3 of S: Saturn in Libra (my sign!)
Yikes, this is hitting home for me even though It’s hard to hear and even harder to accept.
I’ve been ‘stuck’ in the depression stage of grieving for a long, long time. Since healing isn’t linear, I’ve cycled through the other stages over and over but the sorrow and heartache; it stays. A lot of my grieving lately has revolved around the lack of nurturing Feminine energy in my life and the actual maternal nurturing I didn’t and still don’t receive from my own mother. The pain comes from the knowledge and understanding (Binah) of that lacking and of the impossibility of being given what I need from the person I need it from.
I’ve already begun the purging stage of this, by letting go of my relationship with my mother (and father). I’ve cut off all contact because I know that repeatedly expecting love and support from an emotional void is not beneficial for my wellbeing. The harder part, in a way, is not the physical disconnection, but the mental one. I’m still experiencing the pain, sorrow, and anger from experiences, both recent and long past. I know that Saturn/Kronos likes to take his time with things and I shouldn’t rush myself to “get over” my pain, but I also know that remaining imbalanced (antithesis of Libra) in this depression isn’t helping me thrive to my greatest potential. My sacrifice is in releasing the anger of what was/is and those wistful thoughts of “what if/I wish/why can’t” and moving on toward a frame of mind centered on nurturing myself through my healing.