Exhaustion and Hopelessness in Recovery 😐
I am a true believer in recovery. I believe that it can be done, and if I didn’t believe that I would not have made this account. However, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that there are times in recovery where I feel utterly exhausted and hopeless. Choosing recovery is a full time job, and you oftentimes can’t let your guard down. I know I’ve seen huge improvements in myself throughout the past few years, but at the same time I still struggle with the incessant voices of the ED, the OCD trying to overtake much of my life, the panic attacks that come out of nowhere, and the depressive episodes that leave me paralyzed. This past week specifically, I have fallen into a lot of food restriction and isolation. I have just been so utterly exhausted from being in treatment for 5 months straight. I just want a break.
However, just like any of my chronic illnesses, there is no break in recovery. There are no vacation days. I know things will get better and easier. I know I hold a lot of hope for myself, and receive a lot of hope from the God I worship and the friends that support me. But sometimes I’m going to feel the hopelessness and exhaustion. And just like any feeling or emotion, it will pass. No emotions are permanent.
So here’s to you all out there who are also recovering from mental illness. I see you and empathize with you. You are doing fantastic work and are not alone. 💛
This is spot on for my life right now! I’m not going that way, when you’ve already lived through something it’s over. Today was the start of one of my goals and I can’t even believe it. I can’t wait to share it with all of you. As many of you know this Instagram was a new start for me!
I was so tired of looking through photos of me getting sicker, filling up with fluid, inpatient, and through my recovery process. Not all those memories were bad, but I didn’t feel like I could express how I really felt. I just recently learned I am posting “inspirational porn!” There are people in the Spoonie community who believe this type of thing exploits us. I’m a firm believer that sharing your illness with the world is brave, and if my life inspires you because you haven’t endured all this, so be it! I would much rather you analyze your life and change it, instead of learning through life like I have!
I am not used to being proud of myself, but it’s coming! Today was the confirmation I needed that I can do this! That I will do this! What have you left behind?
#Sunday#sundaymood#quotes#quotestoliveby#inspiration#life#love#dontlookback#happiness#joy#excited lymphedema #diabetes#chronicillness#spoonie
Can You Relate?
Do you experience mental and emotional stress that significantly impacts your health yet you can't seem to get a handle on it?
Do you put pressure on yourself, fall into patterns of perfectionism or people pleasing, and have beliefs that you are not enough?
Are you aware of the stress-pain-illness connection yet are feeling stuck in addressing this aspect of healing?
Do you have a deep desire to connect with your inner wisdom but don't know where to begin?
This group program is designed to help you:
Understand the basic neuroscience behind the stress response and how it factors into keeping you stuck in a stress-pain-illness cycle
Learn and implement tools and techniques for down regulating the stress response
Break free of a victim mindset and destructive thinking patterns that trigger the stress response
Increase your confidence and self-compassion that chronic illness is known to strip away
Cultivate a healthier relationship with self and others
Create and enforce healthy boundaries and learning to make yourself a priority
Evaluate what you truly want in this life and learn to live with passion and purpose
Learn tools to better navigate your world and tackle daily challenges
Realize your true potential and identify opportunities for self-improvement and self-efficacy
Empower yourself to take action in the face of fear and/or adversity
And Much More! 🙌🏻💪🏼👌✨🤟🏻✌️💫⭐️
Click on link in bio to learn more!
the REALITY behind the picture with the tree, with help from mom i got there...i am still in a wheelchair but using a walker around the house sometimes depending on the day •
very slowly but surly gaining my strength back
& my mom is the best mom ever & putting my room (upstairs) to the downstairs room and i’m grateful i’ll have my own room again 🤙🏼🤙🏼
I’ve had so many new people join my IBD family in the last month, so I wanted to reintroduce myself and tell my story. 💗
My name is Laurie and I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis one year ago this month. My symptoms first started in April of 2016 and progressively got worse as time went on. I started teaching kindergarten and that’s when my flare really started. I was in pain, exhausted, always in the bathroom, and suffering from malnutrition. I couldn’t eat anything without reacting. Due to our insurance I was unable to see a doctor for 9 months. When I was finally able to see her, she wanted to put me on depression meds. I wasn’t depressed, I just wanted to know what was wrong so I could fix it. So I switched doctors (which took a few more months) and thankfully found a fit! He has been such a blessing! He was very proactive about finding out what was wrong. I had a colonoscopy and was diagnosed with mild to moderate UC. I had suffered with the symptoms for over a year. Life had been so miserable. Work was a daily battle, I cancelled so many plans with friends, I missed out on so much life. Through it all, I fixed my eyes on Jesus. I questioned him, and didn’t understand why I had this disease. But as always, he showed me how good and faithful he is. In August of 2017 I officially went into remission after 3 rounds of steroids, a drastic diet change and a maintenance drug that I still take. I also take several supplements along with my medication. They make a world of difference. Through it all, I had the most amazing husband, family and friends. They had so much patience and love for me during the darkest days. I now live a life full of yoga, good for your tummy food, and natural supplements. I’m now looking to the future. My focus is now on how I can get my body in good health to have children and to eventually get off of medication. On this blog I love to share recipes, supplements and just give tips on how to live life with UC. We are a family and we are a support system. It is so encouraging to see everyone’s stories. I only wish I had found y’all sooner. 💖
Nature is my Opiate. Fresh air my Tylenol. And sweat on my forehead is my ibuprofen. .
I don’t mean to sound preachy. If I do it’s because I truly believe the outdoors saved my life.
I dug myself out of 10/10 daily pain by starting with 10 minute walks in the park outside my house. In the start, I didn’t enjoy them. I did it because my neurologist recommended I started getting my fitness sorted slowly. These walks then turned into a walk to go get a cup of coffee and back. Then that walk started to take detours or last a little longer then normal. I wore a raincoat when it rained, layers when it was cold. I didn’t allow weather to be my excuse to miss my walk. I wore sunglasses and earbuds on these walks because this helped me tolerate the outside even with a migraine. Find your way.
I did it every day even when I didn’t want to. I made it a routine so that it was easier. I would crawl out of bed feeling miserable, put on my gear and go before I had time to realize what happened.
Then one day, on my walk, I noticed that it began to shift from being unbearable to not so bad. Instead, it was neutral. Then, one day, I began noticing the ducks in the canal, the dogs in the park, and the leaves on the trees. It was by starting with putting one foot in front of the other even when it fucking hurt and even when I wanted to die (and chronic pain suffers go there, let’s not deny it) that I saved my life. Don’t get me wrong, there are still days when I question whether my quality of life is “enough” to warrant continuing. But it was fresh air, breathing, moving my body and getting my blood pumping, and looking at the world that began the long process of re-programming my brain away from pain. It’s not there yet but it IS happening. Slowly.
Before my pain turned chronic, I took painkillers for 6 out of 10 pain. Now, I view them either as a last resort.. “OK, I can’t bear this any longer” or as a reset “I’ve been had above 6/10 pain for too long and it’s turned cyclical”. But I strongly attribute my ability to keep my pain at 4-6/10 by the fact I spend soooo much time outside. Try it.
My amazing @randomblah1 and I have an interesting life with both #ChronicIllness we trade who is the caregiver and right now. I cannot imagine life without him. Surgery for me is the 28th but the level of pain is so bad right now making it to then is tough. Knowing the pets our home and him is cared for right now is the biggest lift off my stress level. Always take time to thank those in your life that help you. 💙💗💗💙💗
from yesterday when Mom was learning how to work my PICC & feeds.
today was day one out of the hospital & on the road. it ended up being 12 hours in the car, & now we’re in a comfy hotel room in Missouri. tomorrow we’ll finish off the trip. mom did really well with taking care of my TPN on the road. I’m learning the tubie life. I only had 1 meltdown over being starving & not being able to eat. I realized that this time last year I was dealing w no longer being able to walk. now I’m dealing w not being able to eat. there’s so much grief with chronic illness. it’s unpredictable & you never know what you’re going to lose. clinging to jesus for all of these hard days. but thankful for safe travels!! watch out Minnesota, we’re coming for ya.
today’s cravings: Mountain Dew, chicken teriyaki wings. for you guys who can’t tolerate food, do you miss it? do you still get hunger pain? it’s kicking my butt!
#EAT the wild blueberry smoothie is my favorite - I make it everyday. I like to put different supplements in it like bladderwrack, nettle, licorice (follow directions as too much is not good. You can take licorice for a couple weeks like up to a month and then you must take a break from it or else too much is harmful), cat’s claw (avoid if you are pregnant or trying to get pregnant - that’s how potent cat’s claw is in healing), eleuthero, zinc, Chaga mushroom, and @hawaiianspirulina These supplements have been helpful to my healing. You can google these supplements like “cat’s claw Medical Medium” which will take you straight to Anthony William’s blog for that specific supplement or if you have his books, they are all prominently listed and explained in all three books. (I already have the Chaga mushroom link in my bio.) I chose these supplements bc they target my symptoms and autoimmune diseases of #lupus#rheumatoidarthritis#benignbraintumors CONTINUED IN COMMENTS 👇
I don’t often drink juice, so I hope my tummy is ok with this.
❔I prefer water for hydration
❔I have enough sweet-tasting drinks with my fortisips ❔I’ve never been a huge fruit fan
❔My body struggles with fibre ❔Juice is not calorie-dense enough for my needs
Going to try and slide this in before school starts in a week 😜
I am following the diet recommendations within + a low glycemic index diet for the foreseeable future as prescribed by my doc, so of course I have to read the thing/reason I have a yes list and no list to reference 🤓
Always excited to hear more about nutrition and the relationship humans have to veggies. 🌿🍄
I'm just going to be real--being this ill just made me face my shit, my denial and my eating disorder in the face. I can no longer afford dysfunctional binge and restriction patterns, I can no longer ignore the pain that always comes with eating. I can't stick my head in the sand any longer.
Here's to pursuing health and wellness! Hope you are all well....do yourself a favor and eat your vegetables 🍴🥕🌶🍄
"Papa I really don't get why you like these flower things so much, sticks are waayyy better!"
The other day we got some nice weather and got a long walk in, which Nym enjoyed very much. Unfortunately now it's back to soaking rains today so reminiscing about those colorful flowers 🌷.
This lil baby is my absolute life ❤😍🐶 Honestly her never ending love is the best thing and I don't know what I'd do without her!
Do you have fur (or scale) babies that keep you going?
“Life becomes more meaningful when you realize the simple fact you’ll never have the same moment twice.” Mia/Max, big sister/little brother, marathon runner/patient partner... loving celebratory hug and sweet words shared after her 21 mile run and his 2 1/2 hour wait/watch for her approach, ringing his cowbell and handing out leis( the theme was luau). We volunteered today at Boston Children’s #milesformiracles stop with water and snacks, handing out heat sheets and sharing thank yous...the runners thanking us for being there, us thanking them for running for our son and all of the #BCH kids past, present and future. So many of today’s moments touched me so deeply reminding me how blessed I am to have all that I do in my life; the good, the bad and the ugly, all necessary I guess to keep our world balanced. No point in questioning as it is what it is, all mine. Max may have been sporting his feeding backpack as always, constant monitoring of his physical status, alarms going off for meds and definitely showing his spectrum side singing with the crew but he’s here and he’s happy! Mia is running Boston, her third marathon, the first two for #MS in NY and Chicago, and each one she has done she’s run with her heart especially this one for Max. She’s not about being so fast but about dedicating herself to the cause, enjoying the journey, and taking it all in along the way. My two kids, each in their own ways are teaching me to recognize and celebrate life’s moments, for I’ll never have them twice. Today was full of these moments especially because my body allowed me to be there physically in 40 degree temps, my head was clear and focused and my heart was open and happy. Tonight I am drained physically and emotionally but in the best possible ways because today I was reminded to savor life’s moments and I did.❤️#lovemyfamily#siblinglove#proudmom#lifesmoments#grateful#chronicillness#ms#invisibleillness#itiswhatitis#lifeiswhatyoumakeit#positivity#workinprogress