like this plant
im feeling a little bent, out of shape.
while somehow simultaneously undeniably beautiful in my imperfectness
a little dry around the edges
yet fertile at the core.
my heavy bones offer me refuge,
a place to turn to and curl up under their supporting embrace.
at times i feel weak
yet each day i am reminded that im, in fact, so so strong
like i was made for this
like if i can withstand this pain
there's nothing i can't do.
like if i can love myself
throw my brokenness,
i will cultivate a home within my heart.
the light is seeping in through every crack,
illuminating the path that lies before me.
this too i will heal,
for this too shall pass.
and it will leave me with a strength that will carry me through every waking moment here on out.
i know this is happening for my highest good, so im leaning into it with an open heart. there is a lesson to be learned here, and anyways, being a student is something ive always been pretty good at 😉
oh you guys, my heart feels so so heavy as of late. im sorry if my past couple of posts have been depressing to read, but i just can't pretend to be happy when i feel anything but.
don't get me wrong, there are moments i feel like myself again, but they are few and far between. it's like this fog keeps setting over me.. finding its way to my door again and again. i know I'll get through this with time. but meanwhile, i hope maybe in me sharing my struggle with an openness i can connect with some of you out there feeling the same.
life isn't easy and sometimes it hurts, but you're never alone in your struggle.. i hope if my sappy posts get anything across, it's just that.
Today I had my first ever experience being a guest on a podcast! 😱 @gigiyogini invited @ginaandsugar (a super dope mama and @soulcycle instructor) and I into her studio to shoot the shit about #womanhood . It was absolutely lovely! Gigi is a yoga instructor here in Los Angeles and also hosts weekly women’s circles @modernsacredcircle and was pure magic to be around this morning. It was a chance to get out of my comfort zone for sure and I thank these two women for supporting me through it. Cuz that’s what we as women do, lift each other the fuck up! #nohatersallowed#loveyourself#sisterhood#goddessAF#modernsacredcircle#authenticsharing
Missing you Hawai'i Nei.. gratitude Capricorn moon.
Here's the thing.. if I sat over here and posted all beautiful photos of days full of smiles and laughter, pretending that my emotions aren't all sorts of full expression, I wouldn't be sharing authentically. Last night I had a bit of a purge, I wanted to give it a name (food poison, a virus, stomach bug..) but the truth is, most likely it was energetically connected to not wanting to let go of Hawaii, and accepting that my life of chasing summer for 15 years is shifting into space that is seriously grounded, and sacred in a different way. .
For hours, into the night I purged, I felt the intensity of fever, sweating.. feeling like I might pass out, followed by chills, and feeling like I just needed company. So I followed my heart, tapped into the parts of me that know I am supported and reached out to the one new woman I have connected with. She was here in 10 minutes and poured love all over me.. no questions asked, no judgment. She also point blank understood that what I was experiencing was an energetic purge, and said it out loud before I did, which I was able to acknowledge with confidence. Along with her physical presence, an outpouring of love from local women filled my IG inbox and text messages. 💓
So we've moved to a polar opposite climate, foggy 90%, cold, dense, and energetically quite different from Hawaii or Southern California.. and I know I am preparing myself to settle in to all the things I have manifested.. one way I am preparing myself is to grieve the shift and know that emotions are healthy! 🙌🏽 I must say, the web of loving beings on Instagram has been comforting. I appreciate each and every one of your comments and heart centered messages. I bow to you in gratitude my friends. 🙏🏼 #beherenow#magictribe#awakewomen#authenticsharing#hawaiitohumboldt @alaina_jg 🙏🏼
Shit. Today, I lost my mellow. 😔 real talk: being a mama is not always flowers and "my babes are so sweet 24/7." Sometimes, our patience is worn thin, sometimes I want to run and hide. Sometimes, I raise my voice and my vibration hits rock bottom.. someone remind me to breathe, reset, and that it's okay to not always hold it together. .
Feeling prickly yet oddly still beautiful like this cactus I found on @troubadourbotanicals feed.
The realness I see when I watch this.. me, a tired and cranky mama.. slowing down for Prayer Meditation Solitude.. (PMS)..cycling with the F🌕LL moon and honoring this body in it's ever phasing states of existence.. some days we are just more raw and undefined than others.. unable to bend, heavy, and the light seems blinding. It's all part of the always present contrast of life.
Looking back at last week's 'day in the forest' and I can clearly see myself honoring all parts of me.. even the parts I don't love to share. #goddessesgetgrumpytoo#authenticsharing#mooncycleyoga#tribedemama#pranamama
Something I've been working on in myself lately is to gently stop ending my sentences with "but it'll be fine, I'll be okay" or "It's not life or death" or "and I'm learning which is all that matters". It's been a tendency of mine for the past however long to smile through the pain I've been in. Because intuitively I know all the above are true, I am whole and I am healing. And yet at the same time, why do I need to add those statements to my response of "I'm not doing the best"? Can I allow myself to simply be present with the fact that I am in a darker place, I am struggling, I am lost, I feel confused, and trust that it will be held? I see this over and over again, this need to self-validate in times of struggle. We know we will be better eventually, and that impermanence is a great teacher.. But would it perhaps be more healing for us to just claim where we are at now? I really would love to see more rawness, more complete momentary authenticity instead of this "need" to claim what we "will" be. It's almost funny to me the differing reactions people have to feeling uncomfortable around others who are uncomfortable. As I grow, I see that more of me wants to create space to honor and share in pain as a means of Liberation. The non dualist in me is challenging myself to take out the disclaimers from my vocab & see if I can be present with how I am doing/feeling/experiencing without the "and I'll be fine". We shall see.
Thank you in advance for joining the conversation! I'm eager to read your responses and feedback! I think asking a questions is the most direct means to identifying the root of bottom line on any given topic. That said, let's talk it out! Let's GROW, LEARN, and INSPIRE each other. #RealTalk#AuthenticSharing#TriniGyalTings 💁🏾🇹🇹
Yesterday I had one of the most interesting experiences of my life. And it wasn't necessarily kosher. Because what I experienced, was anger. Pure, unfiltered, awe-inspiringly strong anger. The interesting part is that there was no apparent reason to feel this way. Nothing happened, no one said anything, I wasn't wronged. I just felt a pure fury that I couldn't explain. I typically try to redirect anger or figure out what it means or diffuse it, but this time I looked at it curiously. How did it feel? What did it look like? Approaching my anger with curiosity gave me an angle with which I've never been able to view this emotion before. I was struck by the strength, beauty, and power of raw fury. It was almost an other-worldly experience for me, and I'd never had that before with this emotion. Anger is something to be explored, invited, healed, yes, but it is also something to be respected and accepted before I jump into analyzing and trying to assign meaning into every "wrong" emotion I feel. Because strong emotions are NOT wrong. They are raw, and they deserve respect. We are all a work in progress, and we all are more than we appear to be.
New Moon #lunarloveflow ! 🌙✨ Friends, I've never messed with time lapse before, but here ha go. 😉 This sequence is the moon lunge sequence I practice at every new or full moon...but I emphasize different parts of it depending on new or full phase. For now with #newmoon#mooninlibra , take time to pause in forward folds of the sequence...and also add in some mindful prone backbends of choice. Such as: Sphinx, cobra, locust, bow...as libra rules the kidneys. Listen to wear you are in your cycle as well. More yin if you have your flow. Generally, at new moon, though, this is best time for a resting practice! What I show here was the meat of my practice. The rest was yin and simply laying there. ⚡️🍁 It's all about allowing your life to integrate with the #lunarcycle . My older boy is on a play date, and I just got back from grocery shopping and the baby fell asleep in car. It's an amazing day, so I left car doors open and rolled out my mat to practice on the porch. Boom. Thank you, moon! So needed. 🌟💖 Anyway, it's in my intentions and dreams to keep sharing this way of practice with you. I teach #lunarloveflow every time I step in front of a class and my aim is to share it to all who are interested. Happy restful, mindful, #moon practices out there! #attunetothemoon