📷 @ollywrinch // In the past few weeks, I’ve had to deal with loss. I cleared out my “primary bonds” circle so I didn’t have to keep feeling disappointed and unwanted by those I placed in there. But despite making that resolve, I was deeply hurt for weeks, partly wishing something out there would tell me I didn’t need to do this. After my “emo” post last week, I felt like I could move on, and surprisingly, I genuinely felt fine that I wasn’t that important to anyone. It’s both mysterious and weird. I feel like one of the most repeated lessons in life is learning to cope with loss and learning the actual lesson. I was in a spiritual order for ten years - I sacrificed everything for them. I gave them my money, my waking hours, my health, my stability. I devoted everything towards their cause. I silenced myself so I wouldn’t upset them, and I lost myself. They walked all over me. They didn’t give a shit. And when I finally left, I felt like I had betrayed God. And it took me a year to finally feel okay. And I felt like I lost 10 years of effort - it was all in vain. So unfortunately it took me ten years of hell to learn that you must take care of yourself, that you probably should stop for awhile and reassess whether you need to keep losing yourself for a cause that harms you and/or doesn’t care for you in the long run, that the world is big and life is long and nothing is totally disastrous and catastrophic because no matter how hard it is and no matter how long it takes, you can pick yourself up and heal and keep going. Hang in there, motherfuckers, and tell me the same thing when it’s my turn to be face-down in the dirt. Now buy this bannister. .